First stop was Biggin Hill where we spent Christmas day in the company of WTB’s family. The grannies were out in force as they are every year but on this occasion granny fingers were pointing at the future mother-in-law. The crime, drugging one of them so she’d fall asleep during the day and give us all some peace, have you ever heard anything quite like it? That and granny becoming constipated made for a really entertaining Christmas.

I’m now writing on a frustratingly slow dial up connection in Grantham where every kev’d up car has a baby seat in the back and all the teenage mums are peppered with love bites. Granthams become so chavy these days that I can’t help feeling sorry for the old place as I see the teenage hoodies roam the once pretty town centre in their packs wishing they got a belt to hold up their trousers and a jolly good scrub behind the ears for Christmas instead of the gold chunky chain from Bid-Up TV and the hangover and love bites from the Christmas Eve party the night before. Only my family remain here in the town, all traces of old school friends have long since disappeared though I may visit one of my old sixth form haunts later just for old times sake if I can find my stab proof jacket.

On the plus side though it has been snowing heavily all day and I’ve been out with my 2 year old niece making something that resembles a snowman whos been in a bad accident and having fun in the process.