To whom it may concern,

I am writing with regards to the photogaph featuring a New York tramp on pages 44 and 45 of this week’s edition of Heat.

The reason I am writing is because I have doubts that this gentleman is indeed what you term a ‘tramp’. This is based on a number of observations whilst studying the photograph:

1. His shoes - They look too new to be associated with this type of person. Looking at the soles you will observe that theres little wear and hardly dirty from pounding the New York streets all day. I appreciate that his collection plate is looking considerably wealthy but could a homeless person really put buying new shoes over feeding himself for the day? Of course he could have stolen them from a tourist but then why would a popular magazine like yourself wish to portray New York as a shoe thieving holiday destination?

2. His socks - These too look new and clean. Unless the likes of Shane Ritchie or Danny Baker came knocking at his door clutching their boxes of Daz, I am curious as to how he managed to get them ‘whiter than white’. More to the point, if Shane or Danny did come knocking on the tramp’s door that would mean he had to live in a house. Alternatively he could have stolen them from a tourist and we all know how bad New York is these days what with people getting their shoes nicked. Infact his whole outfit just looks too clean and ironed .

3. If I now draw your attention to his collection plate you will notice that its silver and practically over flowing with money. Firstly I have doubts that this plate is infact silver unless of course the gentleman in question went to church to seek forgiveness for his recent shoe and sock thieving and couldn’t resist helping himself to the collection plate on his way out. No most likely it is chrome but still very much uncharactoristic of your tramp standard issue Starbuck’s coffee cup.

These and many more observations regrettably lead me to conclude that the gentleman in the photograph is unfortunately a hoax and therefore not a tramp at all. With this in mind, I must advise you to disregard his cardboard notice as I feel it is not the intention of this gentleman to buy a gift for the happy celebrity couple but to keep the money for himself. Under no circumstances give this tramp money!

I look forward to hearing your comments regarding the matter.