Its one of those days again where time has an annoying habit of slowing down almost to a complete stop, rather like Henry’s Watch. Did you ever see those as a kid? I wished so hard that I could one day have a device that stopped time, unfortunately now that I’m grown up and working for a company that has that ability its sort of lost its appeal. I’ll empty my drawers instead

Pause for thought as to what to fill empty drawers with

Ok, so the top drawer would be used for the things that are normally contained within a work’s drawer, in my case mainly elastic bands and doodled on Post-It notes from those distant days when work was happy. The second drawer down will house the mouse I am thinking of adopting called Sputnik. In times of boredom I’ll train him to do many wonderful tricks including shitting in the tea cups of middle management (what a fantastic name for a blog/book) and the third and final drawer I will grow mushrooms, something I’ve been wanting to see if its at all possible for a while now.

Pause to scratch left knee

The office is pretty deserted today with people calling in sick to watch the dregs of society tell about the hardships of life on the Jeremy Kyle show. I’ll tell you what makes me really sick, though. Drinking a pint of salt water and jamming my fingers down my throat. That makes me really sick so I try to avoid doing that where ever possible.

Whenever I was puking at home, the sight of vegetable soup in the toilet bowl was always followed by a horrible stinging pain in the back of my head, “Ow! Stop hitting me, Mum!” And she says, “what’s all this sick?” And I say, “well, it’s mainly vegetables, but there’s some cornflakes down there, I think, and a cup of tea and things like that, y’know?” So now whenever vegetable soup is served at these exclusive dinner parties that married couple spend most of their time attending, I eat with my back to the wall.

So ends my working day, let life begin again.